Thursday, December 3, 2009

This is me saying I need help!!!

Does anyone know what the symbols mean between these two parentheses? (• • • — — — • • •) It’s Morse code for S.O.S. and this is me saying I need help; this is my S.O.S. call to whoever is out there...and I almost hope it’s nobody because what I have to say is very personal but I am saying it anyway. No. I’m not gay! But I am tired of being overweight and most of all I hate looking and feeling unhealthy. What I need is to make a long term commitment to a healthy that I can live with forever. What I don’t have is enough staying power to do what I know I need to do. I need commitment, and that’s where you all come in. I have looked nearly everyone that I love in the eye and swore to them that “today was the day I was going to change!” and I couldn’t keep my promises. I’ve let them down, and more tragically myself, so many times that I don’t even know who I am anymore and I don’t know if they know me anymore either. I am tired of running into old friends from my mission or college to find that they don’t even recognize me...and that has really happened. I’m tired of not being able to do the things I once loved to do. I’m tired of not being as confident about my appearance. I’m tired! I’m tired! I’m tired. I’m tired of being tired for that matter.
But what about you? (If there’s even anybody even reading this.) I haven’t lied to you. I haven’t broken any promises between us have I? What if I sat here tonight and blogged to the world (who may or may not be reading) that tomorrow is a new and better day, a healthier day? What if I posted my hurtles, pitfalls, and progress? Would posting it make a difference to me? Would I have your support or would you be embarrassed for me. I would think it fair if you were embarrassed for me. I am embarrassed myself about this whole crazy idea. I am absolutely the last guy in the world to admit that I need help. I’m usually the one doing the helping, but today is my day to swallow my freaking pride and say that I need help. I need a level of commitment like I’ve never had before and I am hoping, even praying actually, that I can get it from you. Besides, I’m not the only one who struggles with this. I mean after all, we are in America right? Most of us are living far too high on the hog...and the hogs in this country are healthier than most of us by the way.
If I have the guts to post this blog (I’m 467 words into it and I still don’t know if I will do it) will you have the guts to show your support and even join me in a quest for a better life? Either way, I’m in. And to prove it, I am looking you all in the eye right now and swearing that I will not go to bed tonight without doing some sort of exercise, and tomorrow when I wake up, I’m going to post to you that I kept my word about my health for the first time in far too long of a time! And I’m going to keep posting my goals, progress, the ups and downs, for as long as it takes for me to change or until I’m dead...which isn’t far off I’m afraid, if I don’t start taking better care of myself.
PS If you think I sound serious now, wait until in the morning because I am going to post my weight and goals for the day! Holy Crap! I can’t believe I’m doing this but I’m at the end of my pitiful rope! Besides, this is so stupid that it just might work!!!


  1. Brave, brave man, Brent!!! You first, then maybe the rest of us will jump in and blog about our own journey along this same path....

  2. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help and support. You have been a pillar of strength and inspiration to those who know you and we are all rooting for you. You can, and will do it! I have faith in you! It sounds like you are really ready and determined to begin taking better care of yourself. That's good because we want you around for a long time! You just have to do it for you. Quit worrying about letting anyone down. Do it for you!

  3. Thanks you guys! Your comments are pushing me onward and upward!

  4. I'm with you. Reality stared me in the face this week when I auditioned for the Sound of Music, and I had the chops to sing and act the part, but the body just didn't fit. Ouch!!

    I'm pretty sure I know what to do, but I don't always want it badly enough. I have found the only way I personally can do it is to treat it like an addiction. I have to take an approach like the 12-step program, and I have to include God.

    You are courageous to put it before the public, but we all love you! I wish you the best. I don't want to be left behind, so I think I'll go with you!

  5. Boz!! I'm really really happy for you! I have my own demons that I don't know if I could ever post for the world to see, and that's only because it would mean I was admiting to them! But, having people aware of the goals you're trying to accomplish is very powerful and motivating! I believe you have the power to inspire YOURSELF and others along the way. Blogging can be very theraputic to boot :)So good luck on your journey and I'm really excited to read about it along the way. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us, you KNOW you have a lot of good people behind you :)

  6. Sara, (I sent you this same email, but I wanted to post it here too.)

    Wow! I have not read your other post yet, but I am so thankful for your email. The decision to do this came very sudden. It was a very spiritual thing. The Holy Ghost pretty much said out of the blue, "You need to post your struggles with weight on your blog". I mulled it around for a few days and the thoughts would not leave me. Then one night, I knew it was time. I started texting Yori about it; half hopping he would talk me out of it, but at the same time, knowing that he would encourage me to post.

    I wrote the blog and resisted clicking the "post" button, feeling the whole thing was dumb and certainly embarrassing, and EVERYONE would know about my problem. But then, something spiritual came over me again and I hit the freaking button for all I was worth. The peace I felt was instant. I know this is going to work.

    Thank you for sending me such an inspiring post. You and I have had some great discussions about some very real topics over the years and I did not realize how much I missed them until I read your email. Please help me to stay strong!!!


    PS I hope you had a wonderful trip to New Hampshire.